Is It Really A Wonderful Life?
by JasonHRAC
Summary: When Asuka goes too far with her insults one night, Shinji runs away, deeply hurt, only to be encountered by a mysterious boy named Tabris, who takes Shinji on a spiritual journey to help him realize just how much he truly matters to the people around him.


Is it Really A Wonderful Life?  
**DISCLAIMER: I do not own the Evangelion franchise. The characters belong to Hideaki Anno.  
A/N: I've had this idea for some time now, and though I'm sure many other people have done Peggy Sue fics or whatever before, I just wanted to put in my version and see how it goes. It's not going to be anything big, not like Re-TAKE ambitious or anything. Just something I felt like writing. So anyway, I hope you guys enjoy it.**

* * *

Have you ever questioned your self-worth? Have you ever wondered how the people around you, would react if you were gone? There are people who are loved, and they are aware that they are loved. These people are confident that they would be missed if they were gone. But what about the ones who do not feel the love around them? Assuming there is love to be found at all in their miserable lives?

There are those who believe that even in death, they would not be cared for. Because of this depressing fact, some turn to suicide and end their lives, whether it's for attention or just because they don't want to live in a world where they're not needed. Others, however, do not do anything about this revelation and simply go on with their lives. They may be too apathetic to even attempt suicide, or perhaps they are so depressed that they already feel dead anyway.

It's bad enough when a grown person develops a sort of inferiority complex that drives them to believe that they're worthless in life, but what about when a mere child believes this? What kind of adult would this child grow up to become with what they believe? Would they become bitter and grumpy? Would they become completely apathetic and distant? Or perhaps they would choose not to burden others with their pain and pretend things are just fine, assuring others with a smile?

Did children really deserve to believe that they were worthless? No, of course not. Especially when they haven't done anything wrong. But life is not about what one deserves. It's about dealing with what you're given.

But people don't always know how to deal with it. Sometimes, they attempt to run away from all of their problems, hoping to find comfort elsewhere. But even when they run, they often do not know where they are going, or where they even want to go.

Like Shinji Ikari.

Shinji didn't know where he was going. All he knew was that he was running away, and he wasn't proud of it. He knew that he was going to come crawling back anyway. Besides, he had nowhere to run off to. No little hole to crawl into and hide in. He just needed to get away. If not for good, then at least for a short time. At least to clear his head and calm down. After all, _she _never helped. All she did was hurt him.

Why did she always have to hurt him? What had he ever done to deserve this? What had he ever done to deserve being hurt by her? Hadn't he already suffered enough? Why must he put up with all of this? It wasn't fair. It just wasn't fair!

But then again, life was never fair, was it?

Where was he even going? Maybe he was just overreacting again. Maybe he should just get over it and come back home. It wasn't like he was going to be gone forever anyway. No matter what, he'd _always _come back, whether he liked it or not.

But what exactly had caused him to run away this time? He couldn't say that he had had enough of Asuka and her insults, and that he had finally "snapped." No, snapping would imply that he actually stood up for himself, bit back at Asuka, and did something out of the ordinary. But what he had done was something that perfectly described him; cowardly.

Tonight was just supposed to be another ordinary night. Misato was working late at NERV again, so it was just him and Asuka. This happened often, and often, she would start insult him and ask him odd questions that would lead into arguments for whatever reason. Even though Shinji hadn't interacted with many people in his life, he assumed it was safe to say that Asuka was easily one of the most complex and confusing people he had ever met.

She would bring up old topics like "So why do you pilot the Eva?" and for a split-second, it would seem like she would have a normal conversation with him, but then Shinji would end up saying something that the so-called Red Devil wouldn't like to hear and get angry about it, berating the poor boy and calling him stupid like she always did.

But in the end of _those _nights, the two children would just shrug off the conversation, and Shinji would cook dinner for the two of them while Misato was gone. After that, they'd watch TV with Pen-Pen, and then after that, go to sleep, assuming their homework was already done. But tonight wasn't like the other nights, it seemed. This night would prove to be longer than all of the other nights.

Tonight started normally though. At first, it looked like things were going to be normal. Well, as normal as things could be. Asuka said she wasn't all that hungry, and that she'd be fine with whatever as long as her plate wasn't too big. It was just as well anyway, considering before Shinji knew it, they were running low on supplies. And it wasn't like the young boy could just go out to the market and buy some new things. NERV didn't even pay him for saving the world, so thus, he and Asuka lived off whatever Misato made.

Making do with what few ingredients he had in the fridge, ignoring the two cans of beer on the side, Shinji got out what was necessary for a small rice dish and a side of miso soup. But in the end, he ended up never actually cooking anything. Before he knew it, Asuka had distracted him to the point where cooking dinner was the least of his worries. Asuka had picked tonight to be a horrible night, it seemed. It was almost like a schedule. This day would be an okay day, this day would be an unnerving day, and this day would be a day where I don't hold back! Shinji sometimes imagined Asuka meticulously planned certain days to make Shinji's days a living hell at times.

Shinji couldn't exactly explain why, but tonight, Asuka just _got _to him. He didn't know what it was. Did she go too far with the insults? Maybe. If he remembered correctly, not that he even wanted to remember, then he'd be able to recall Asuka making a careless jab about his parents. Something about how his mother would be ashamed of him for being the young man he grew up to be.

He didn't even remember how the argument started. It just happened. Asuka was so fiery that even the slightest little thing could blow her up. But it wasn't like he asked for this! He didn't want to hate Asuka. He wanted to get close to her and, maybe if he were bold enough, even help her, like he did with Ayanami. It was like with Father. He didn't _want_ to hate him, but he did. And at the moment right now, right here, wherever Shinji ran off to, he desperately wanted to forgive Asuka for the things she had said to him, but he couldn't bring himself to do so at the moment. And besides, knowing her, she probably wasn't even sorry anyway...

He didn't want to remember what had just happened between him and Asuka, but _because _they had just happened, he couldn't get these memories out of his head. He could remember her loud voice booming over his meek responses. He could remember his pathetic attempts to defend himself when she'd accuse him of something, like being a coward or a stupid idiot who had no reason to pilot the Eva.

Maybe she was right though. He had no place in the entire world, let alone a smaller world involving Evangelions and Angels. And yet, the only reason he started piloting was because it was convenient for Father. He started piloting because Rei couldn't. And yet, he continued to pilot after that. Even when he tried to run away, he found that he couldn't because he had no place in this world to begin with. No identity for himself.

So he continued to pilot Unit-01. But when he piloted, he was under the illusion that he was piloting to protect others, and ensure that other people who actually _mattered _wouldn't have to die. But it was just an illusion. Deep down, he knew that the real reason he piloted the Eva was so that he could find happiness. But what happiness was there in being hurt by an enemy you didn't even understand? He believed that past all of that, he could find happiness if his father had acknowledged him. He believed he could find happiness if Father told him he was proud of him. But would that day ever come?

It seemed unlikely, but at this point, hope was all Shinji had, and even then, that hope was disappearing.

Asuka had crushed what he could barely even call his resolve, and though whether this was her intended outcome or not, was this her fault for being so assertive and self-centered? Or was this _his _fault for being so weak and letting mere insults hurt him, letting simple words cut deep into him like a knife?

_If you don't want to pilot, then get out! It's as simple as that, you idiot! _Asuka's voice ran through his head as clear as day, _I don't need an inexperienced rookie like you getting in my way! I belong in the top, and I'm not going to let someone who asked his daddy dearest to pilot beat me! _She exclaimed.

_I never asked to be a pilot, _Shinji responded. His voice was low, shaky, and soft. It was practically a whisper. Asuka probably didn't even hear him, as she continued on with her verbal attacks.

_I actually worked to be a pilot, you hear me?! I didn't work to become the favorite! I worked to become the best pilot out there! _Asuka had exclaimed, growing increasingly angry, despite the fact Shinji wasn't even saying much to provoke her at this point, _It's just not fair! Of all people, you're the one with the highest synchronization rate! I didn't become a pilot just so I could be beaten by the likes of you; someone who begged Daddy for the pilot status!_

_I never asked to be a pilot! _Shinji exclaimed, louder than even he thought he could yell, _I never wanted to be a pilot! But I have to pilot. I have to. It's...it's my..._

He stammered and stuttered, unable to find the right words to himself. For once, Asuka was at a loss of words as well. She had never expected to even defend himself, much less yell back at her. But she wasn't scared or afraid by any means. She was just...intrigued, for a lack of better words.

_I never asked to pilot the Eva, _Shinji had said, _I was forced to by my father. You may think that piloting the Eva is the greatest thing ever...but I hate it! I hate it all, _he said bitterly, _Piloting isn't as important to me as it is to you, Asuka. I only pilot because I have to._

He had foolishly hoped that his explanation would calm Asuka down, but it had served to fuel her anger even further, as her expression went from surprised back to its usual state of fury and rage, as she clenched her fists, doing her best not to hit the damned idiot!

_And that just makes me sick! How the suck-up is seemingly doing better than me, the only one who actually worked hard to get where I am today! And if you don't want to pilot, then don't! Get out of here! I don't need to work with someone like you! I can work just fine on my own!_ _I bet your mommy dearest would be so ashamed of you, to know that her little boy grew up to be a spineless loser! I bet that's why even your dad ignores you, huh?! _She had said it so coldly, so cruelly, as if she sincerely didn't care about Shinji, but her anger had consumed her and influenced what she had said.

Not that that fact made things better, as Shinji couldn't stand to talk to Asuka anymore. That was one too far. Without a second thought, he turned around and walked towards the door. _Fine, I will leave. You were always better than me anyway. You don't need me. No one does, _he said darkly. It was quite uncharacteristic of him, and Asuka was surprised to hear him say something like that. The boy didn't even give Asuka the chance to respond, or the satisfaction of seeing him cry. Before he knew it, he had run out the door and into the night.

And now here he was. Wherever this place was anyway.

He seemed to be nearby some sort of lake. But he had never seen this lake before. So was he lost? Had he ventured so far into Tokyo-3 already, too focused on drowning in his own thoughts that he had lost his way? God knows how far he might be from the apartment, if there even was a God to begin with. But if there were Angels, there _had _to be a God somewhere, right?

If God did exist, did this God exist to hurt him like the Angels did?

Shinji stared out at the lake, unsure of what to do now. And then...humming? Shinji could've sworn someone humming a song. It sounded quite familiar, but at the moment, he couldn't quite put his finger on it. It might have been Beethoven, but he couldn't be sure. He was more concerned with who was there, humming.

He turned to the side, seeing a pale boy with red eyes and white hair. He was an unusual looking boy, and he also was wearing the standard school uniform; the white shirt and dark pants, though he had never seen this boy before.

"The song is good, yes?" The boy asked, putting his hands in his pockets as he smiled, looking at Shinji pleasantly.

"Err...I suppose," Shinji stammered, "Who are you? Have we met?" He asked, mystified by the mysterious boy.

The white-haired boy shook his head. "No, we haven't met, though I know of you, Shinji Ikari, pilot of the Evangelion Unit-01. You shouldn't be surprised though. Almost everyone in Tokyo-3 is at least aware of your existence. You may call me Tabris, Shinji-kun," he said, still smiling.

The boy had a strange aura to him, and yet, this aura seemed familiar. He reminded Shinji of Rei. There was the pale skin, the red eyes, the odd hair color, and that aura that only Rei and this boy seemed to have.

"O-Okay," Shinji replied, blinking in surprise. What a strange name. He didn't know what else to say, so the boy simply sighed, looking back at the lake. Frankly, he didn't feel like talking to anyone at the moment, but if Shinji had judged this boy correctly, he'd try to force a conversation between them, whether he'd like it or not.

"You are troubled, aren't you? Would you like to talk about it?" Tabris asked abruptly. The darker haired boy looked at Tabris in surprise, before looking back at the water, sighing once again sadly.

"I suppose you might say that," Shinji mumbled, "And...I don't know. It's sort of a personal thing," he responded. It was odd. Why was this boy concerned about him? They had only just met! Why was this strange boy offering him kindness? As far as Shinji knew, most people weren't nice just for the sake of being nice. Then again, as far as Shinji could tell, this Tabris was not like most other people. He could see it in his unusual appearance and even hear it in the way he talked. Just who was this person?

"Then I apologize for intruding," Tabris said, still with that smile.

Shinji glanced at him, before again looking back at the water. "It's okay. To be honest, I have a lot on my mind. You said you knew that I'm a pilot of the Eva? Well, I'm having some problems with another pilot..." He sighed.

"Would that happen to be the Second Child? Asuka Langley Sohryu?" He asked, to which Shinji blinked, quickly turning to Tabris. Just how in the world did he know so much about things? The pale boy chuckled lightly, taking a step towards Shinji. "I know a lot of things, Shinji-kun. If you desire to tell me about your problems, then speak. I will listen."

"You...you will?" Shinji asked in response, surprised. It should have unnerved him that a person who he had just met, a total stranger who knew a lot about him, offered to listen to his troubles, but the way this Tabris was...

He was different. He seemed to give off this certain aura, this glow that told Shinji that there was nothing to fear from him. A sort of ambiance that calmed Shinji, and made him comfortable with the thought of confessing his troubles. Maybe it was the fact that so far, Tabris proved to be the kindest person to Shinji. He had to admit, even Misato never offered to listen to his troubles, and that was assuming she was even home to listen anyway. There was Father, who most likely didn't even give a damn. Same went for Asuka. Rei would probably listen, but knowing her, she probably wouldn't know what to do in order to console the troubled boy.

But Tabris. He seemed like the kind of person who not only would listen to Shinji's troubles, but would also offer advice in order to help him, among other things. It was amazing to think that this was the impression Shinji had gotten, and he hadn't even known this boy for over 10 minutes yet.

"Of course I will," Tabris said coolly, "And I will see how I can help. Go ahead and speak your mind, Shinji-kun."

"Err, alright..." Shinji breathed. Where does he start? Maybe he shouldn't bore Tabris with _all _of the details and perhaps just start from tonight. That would probably be the best move. "Well, Asuka...she's not an easy pilot to work with. I don't know, I guess she feels that I threaten her status as a pilot somehow. I...I'm not sure how to explain it, since even I myself don't understand all of it, but...I don't know. Asuka doesn't exactly take it well when she feels I'm threatening her somehow. She lashes at me, she yells at me, everything. I want to be friends with her, but she won't let me!" Shinji ranted, before sighing, knowing he should calm down.

"And why exactly do you want to be friends with the Second Child if she is not nice to you?" Tabris asked, his tone subtly hinting that he actually doesn't understand why Shinji would be like that.

"I...I honestly don't know," he confessed, "I guess I just...know that there's some good in Asuka, and I want to help her."

"Like how you wish to help Rei Ayanami, the First Child?" He asked.

Shinji blinked in surprise, his eyes wide. "How do you...oh, r-right. You know a lot about us, Tabris," he said, calming down, before clearing his throat, "A-Anyway, yeah. I suppose you could say that. But Ayanami is...different. I don't exactly know how to put it into words..." He mumbled.

"Where you wish to uncover the hidden good inside the Second Child, you simply wish to help the First Child recognize good," Tabris guessed, "Did I word that correctly?"

"Uhh...Y-Yeah," Shinji stammered. It was amazing how much one single person could surprise him in such a short amount of time, "I suppose you could say it like that. But with Asuka...well, she doesn't make it easy for me. In fact, it's like she purposefully makes things hard, and I don't know why. I just want to help her, but I guess I'm incapable of doing even that. I guess I'm really not good for anything except piloting the Eva," he said, before gasping lightly when he felt the white-haired boy place a hand on his shoulder, his red eyes staring into Shinji's eyes, that smile intending to comfort him.

"Do not be so hard on yourself, Shinji-kun. You're worth much more to the people around you than you realize," he said kindly. Shinji didn't know what exactly he was feeling, but he could have sworn he felt himself blushing. Still, the Evangelion pilot had his doubts, despite the fact he was admittedly grateful that Tabris would say such things to him.

"Th-thank you, Tabris," Shinji stuttered, "But sometimes, I'm not so sure of that. I'd like to believe that..." He said, frowning as he looked back at the lake, "...Sometimes, I can't. It just seems like things would be better off if I weren't around. They're all just fine without me. And yet...when I run away, I know that I'll just come back for whatever reason..."

"Shinji-kun..." Tabris sighed, "What if I were to prove to you that you matter to the people around you?" He asked, the question causing Shinji to pause for a minute, registering what he had just said.

_...that you matter..._

Did he really matter? He seemed so sure of himself a moment ago, so sure that his so-called friends, along with the people that made up his dysfunctional new family, didn't exactly care too much about him. And yet, his thoughts and views were already being clouded by a pale boy with red eyes whom he had just met. And yet, the night was only going to get stranger from here for Shinji Ikari.

"P-Prove?" Shinji stammered. How on Earth would he be able to do something like that anyway?

"I'd like for you to close your eyes, if that's alright with you, Shinji-kun," he said, his expression never changing, his mien of calmness convincing Shinji to do so, albeit a bit hesitantly at first. After all, what was Tabris intending to do? Why did he need to close his eyes? Shinji knew he should be creeped out, but Tabris was like Rei. Both should have disturbed and creeped him out, but somehow managed to make Shinji comfortable with them and vice versa. As Shinji closed his eyes, he also took a deep breath, before shifting slightly as he felt Tabris's other hand on his shoulder. It was admittedly quite uncomfortable, but Shinji didn't complain.

* * *

After a brief moment, Tabris let go of Shinji. "You can know open your eyes, Shinji-kun," he spoke, to which Shinji did, the Japanese boy quickly being surprised at what he saw.

It was amazing; he was no longer standing by a mysterious lake in the middle of the night!

He was in some sort of room at NERV, judging from the people there. This shouldn't be possible! Was...was he just teleported here?

No, no. That was impossible. Teleportation was impossible. And yet, with the unholy creatures Shinji faced in Unit-01, what was possible and what was impossible were always unclear to Shinji. Months ago, he didn't even know a creature like an Angel or an Evangelion could exist. He didn't even know a creature like Shamshel, with the whips and tendrils, could exist.

But the ones that were pushing the boundaries of possible were the Angels, NERV, and by extension, the Evangelions. As far as Shinji could tell, Tabris was not an Angel, or of NERV. And yet, despite what he inferred, he asked the question. "Who are you? _What _are you?"

"I'm your guardian angel, Shinji Ikari," Tabris responded, putting his hands in his pockets as he glanced around the room, still with that carefree smile, "Take a look around and see for yourself. I am no ordinary being to you, am I?"

"No, I...I guess you aren't," he mumbled as he looked around. Across the room, there were several panels, consoles, and other things that the NERV workers dealt with, as well as a window that ran the length of the room. Through the window, Shinji could see three familiar Entry Plugs. Inside the room he was actually in, he could see Ms. Ibuki typing away on her computer, though instead of the usual rushed and tired look on her face, she seemed to be more melancholy than busy. Her eyes, which were usually wide as she'd focus on delivering the reports to Dr. Akagi or something like that, were now dull, as if something was seriously making her sad.

There was also Dr. Akagi herself, standing alongside Ms. Ibuki, sipping a cup of coffee. Like Ms. Ibuki, there seemed to be something different in her eyes. A sense of sadness as well, though it was nowhere as severe as Ms. Ibuki's sadness. As she looked over the brunette's shoulder, looking at whatever data that the computer presented to her, she frowned deeply, seemingly displeased with her results.

There were also a few technicians in the room, though Shinji didn't know about them. He was more distracted about the thought that they didn't seem to notice him, despite Tabris speaking rather loudly to him. _Wh-what the hell's going on here? _Shinji thought tensely, growing more unnerved as the second passed by.

"Tabris, what's going on here?" He whispered to the white-haired boy, who simply chuckled lightly in response.

"There's no need to worry, Shinji-kun," he replied, talking in normal volume, "You'll find out soon enough. Just be patient."

"Be patient? What—?!" Shinji began, before hearing a door slide open from the side. His eyes widened with surprise as he saw Misato walk in! "M-Misato! Misato-san!" He called out to her, though she didn't reply. Hell, she didn't even glance at him. The woman didn't even register his existence, which was probably the most uncharacteristic thing for someone like her to do. She had a deathly serious look on her face similar to Dr. Akagi's as she walked over to the blonde scientist herself.

"How are Asuka and Rei?" Misato asked as Ritsuko sipped her drink, leaving another lipstick mark on the coffee mug.

"See for yourself," she grumbled with a sigh, gesturing towards the same panel she scowled at, which Shinji had assumed to be the Synchronization Ratios.

As Misato bent over and took a look, her eyes widened for a second, before giving a worried look. "Damn," she commented, standing straight up again, "That bad, huh?"

Ritsuko nodded, finishing her beverage. "Yes, though we shouldn't be surprised. After all, we all know why this is happening," she said with an edge of the same melancholy Ms. Ibuki had, "and we shouldn't ignore what caused this decrease in synch ratio."

"Yeah yeah, I know," Misato replied, crossing her arms, "Still, it's not like they can do anything about this. Things...haven't been the same ever since Shinji..." she began, before trailing off, unable to bring herself to finish her own sentence.

_What? Ever since I what? _Shinji thought, confused by all this.

However, Ritsuko, ever so subtle, finished it for her and cleared up Shinji's thoughts; "Ever since Shinji died. It's been hard for everyone here. Even Commander Ikari has been quieter than usual," she said distantly, looking out at the window. The Entry Plugs were eerily quiet. It wasn't the same without Shinji to be yelled at by Asuka.

"Rei's been more quiet than usual, and without someone to yell at, Asuka's been pretty silent as well," Ritsuko commented, glancing at Misato, who looked at the Entry Plugs worriedly.

"She never says anything at home either," the raven-haired woman murmured, "I never thought Shinji's...absence would affect Asuka that badly, but then again, I'm never around for them..." she said distantly, her tone of regret easy to detect.

Deciding to change the subject before Misato would burst into tears concerning her inabilities as a legal guardian, Ritsuko cleared her throat, glancing at the synchronization ratios. "It seems that they're taking the loss in different ways. Comparing Rei's stats to earlier sync tests, her ratio was gradually deteriorated over the passing days, while with Asuka, her sync ratio just _dropped_ from there and it's been like that since; hasn't increased or decreased," the doctor pointed out, "You never know what you have until it's gone, huh?" She sighed, sitting down in her chair.

Shinji blinked in shock, before shaking his head. No, he wasn't dead! He was right here! "Hey, Misato! Dr. Akagi! Ms. Ibuki! I'm right here!" He shouted, though they still didn't even seem to acknowledge his presence at all.

Tabris yet again placed a hand on Shinji's shoulder, calming him down. "Please, Shinji-kun. It's no use. They believe you to be dead. In fact, they can't even see or hear us."

"Wh-what? Why not?!" Shinji exclaimed, grabbing Tabris with his hands deliriously, "We're right here! Why can't they hear us? Why can't they _see _us?!"

Tabris rested his hands on Shinji's, gently easing them off of him. "Please do not be afraid, Shinji-kun. This may be a bit much to take in, but please stay calm. I've taken you to a future where you never came back when you ran away..."

"A...A future? I...Tabris, I don't understand!" Shinji said, panicking now. He thought that Tabris would clear things up, but now he was more confused than ever! A-An alternate world?! How was this even possible?!

"I'm your guardian angel, Shinji-kun. I can do many things. Please calm down. You'll feel much better soon. Let me explain," he assured with his calm demeanor.

"Please...this is just a dream, isn't it? None of this is real, is it?" Shinji asked in a whisper, shaking as he looked down, barely able to hold back his panicky state.

"Yes and no," Tabris said, "Mind you, this is just what would happen if you never came back from when you ran away that fateful night. This night, that is," he continued, "It will be real if you make it so. But if you return, none of this will happen. Do you understand me?" He asked him, his face serious for once.

Reluctantly, Shinji nodded, his rapid heart rate slowly steadying as he tried his best to make sense out of all this. He was about to ask a question like "How is this all happening?" but decided against it for the moment. After all, it wasn't like he'd likely get a straight answer, or if he'd even believe it if he got one. So he simply nodded, unsure of whether or not he really _did _understand Tabris.

Tabris's face quickly softened up, the curve on his lips producing a pleasant smile again as he put his hands on Shinji's shoulders once again. He quickly spun Shinji around, and with a blur, he was in a different room again!

* * *

It was getting a bit jarring. This time, he didn't even need Shinji to close his eyes! Shinji didn't know how to describe it. His breath was taken as he was instantly transported to another room, though of course, it took him several seconds to realize what had just happened. He looked around, examining his surroundings.

The room was...well, big, to say the least. On the far side of the room, it looked like there wasn't even a wall, as it was pitch white over there, completely illuminating the rest of the room and its purple tiles. This chamber was rather empty, except for a desk in the middle, with two familiar men at it.

Gendo Ikari simply sat there, expression firm, elbows propped onto the desk, hands covering his mouth. He sat there like he always did, doing nothing. And then there was Mr. Fuyutsuki, standing there next to the commander of NERV. Those two were so still that they were practically statues!

Shinji said nothing. If he had guessed correctly, then he was still in this "alternate" possibility that Tabris was showing him now. Stepping closer to the two, he glared venomously at his Father, though of course, he knew that he couldn't see him. Gendo's expression, as far as Shinji could tell, was exactly the same. Of course, he couldn't see behind those orange glasses, so he couldn't determine anything from them.

But as the boy glanced over to Fuyutsuki, his eyes widened slightly. The old man looked like he was in horrible shape! It was almost as if he had aged two decades because of what...supposedly happened to him.

"Gendo," Fuyutsuki simply spoke as he looked down at the commander, making Shinji jump slightly.

"What is it, Fuyutsuki?" Gendo replied, not moving away from his usual pose.

Fuyutsuki grunted, his arms still behind his back, "About your son..." He sighed, though he was promptly interrupted.

"The Third Child is gone. What is there to say about it? With luck, the Fourth and Fifth Children will be here soon," Gendo said coldly. It practically enraged Shinji , who was often never angry with others, to learn that even in death, he never made any significant impact on his Father. Not enough to even get recognition.

And yet, there was nothing he could do about it now.

"Didn't you ever care about him, Gendo?! For God's sake, he was your own son!" Fuyutsuki yelled lividly, breaking out of his pose and clenching his fists as he looked down at Gendo, gritting his teeth in anger, to which Gendo didn't respond.

He simply sat there, not caring about his subordinate's opinion of him.

Fuyutsuki suddenly grunted and clutched his chest. He took a deep breath in order to calm himself down, taking a step away from Gendo as he exhaled. "This stress is no good for my heart, Gendo. I may be thinking about retiring in a few years..."

"Once the Angels are gone, NERV will be disbanded. It'll retire before you do, Fuyutsuki. Now, are we done with this conversation?" He asked him, never even moving a muscle.

"There's...one more thing, Ikari," the old man said, exhaling as his heart seemed to return to normal, "Why didn't you attend your son's funeral?"

Shinji blinked, gasping softly at what he had just heard. He knew his Father could be a cold and cruel man, but to not even attend his funeral?! That was...that was just on a new level of heartlessness! How could he do this to him?!

"My work is far too important for that. When a child dies, the world does not stop to mourn. It will keep going on. Besides, NERV will always be needed. What if an Angel had attacked that day? It was already a risk in itself that you, the Major, Dr. Akagi, and the pilots attended the funeral just for him."

"But he was your son, dammit!"

"Irrelevant, Fuyutsuki. Do not try to guilt me into not attending his funeral."

"But he was still your son, Ikari! Did you ever care for him?! What do you think Yui would think?!" Fuyutsuki practically roared, ignoring the risk that he may have to stop and grab his chest once again.

But the risk was worth it, as it finally got a reaction out of Gendo, albeit a small and barely noticeable reaction. Gendo Ikari looked down at his desk, as if ashamed of himself, though he didn't look down for long. "You should know by now that I work not only to defeat the Angels, but also to bring Yui back. If Instrumentality goes as I intended it, then I'll meet her again, and with luck, Shinji will be there waiting as well. Is that what you want me to say?" Gendo said, slamming his palms on the desk, standing up and facing Fuyutsuki.

"No, because I'm not satisfied yet. I know that despite your mask of stone cold cruelty, there's more to how you feel about the Third Child than you're letting on!" Fuyutsuki said. Though he confronted Gendo about several things, not often seeing eye to eye, this was the first time he was _this _confrontational to him, and all over Shinji himself.

Gendo sighed silently, turning around and facing the ground, his left hand leaving his desk. "I admit, there were...things I wished I could have said to Shinji. Things I could have cleared up with him. But I was going to wait until Yui had returned to me. I had never thought about living a so-called normal family life with Yui and Shinji, because I had always assumed I would be alone with Yui once Instrumentality comes into fruition. And I was content with that thought. When Shinji had left, I...I'm now faced with this unnecessary uncertainty...though this is unlike me, and I'm doing everything I can to make sure these emotions don't interfere with NERV."

"You shouldn't hold back these emotions, Ikari. If you ever cared for your son, you shouldn't hide it," he said, reprimanding his superior, "...I'm done now. This conversation is over. I'm sorry I even brought it up..."

And while all this had transpired, Shinji was completely speechless. He didn't know what to say. First, he was livid with his Father, then sympathetic, and now...it was all so confusing! He didn't know _what _to think of him anymore. If only things had been clearer to him! Maybe things could have worked out between the two...

"Fuyutsuki...do remember that whatever is said in this room _stays _in this room. Understood?"

The old man nodded hesitantly, sighing quietly as he put his arms behind his back again. "I understand, Commander."

"Good..." Gendo simply spoke, taking his chair and sitting down in it, propping his arms up once again, as if nothing had happened.

And then there was silence, the conversation ended as abruptly as it began. Shinji turned to Tabris, who was watching from behind. "Tabris...I don't know if I want to go on with these...sights," Shinji said nervously.

"How do you mean, Shinji-kun? I thought you would have appreciated this? Everyone's grieving over you, you who has definitely made a significant impact in the lives of other people. Isn't this what you wanted? Proof that you mattered?" Tabris said, confused. He wanted to bring Shinji happiness, so why was he asking him to stop now?

"That's exactly it though. They're sad over me. I don't want to see them grieve over someone as unimportant as me," Shinji said stubbornly, holding on to his firm belief of self worth.

Tabris frowned, sighing. "Then you've learned nothing. I still have more proof. Please, Shinji-kun. I know this will help you. Trust me."

"I—I don't want to see others suffer because of me! Stop this! I know I'll come running back home anyway. I always do..." Shinji said, the hot tears threatening to come out and show themselves to Tabris.

"This is for your own good, Shinji-kun. I'm showing this to you because you need this," he said with a serious tone, as if he were a stern father, "Please bear with it. I'm begging you. Now...let's go."

"Go? Go where?" Shinji said, his voice barely above a whisper. Deep in his heart, despite all his doubts and fears, he knew Tabris was right in some weird way. He wanted to matter, and now that he was being shown proof that he already did matter, he was shoving it away.

"You'll see," he said, walking over to Shinji's side, once again placing his delicate hands on Shinji's shoulders, and spinning him around.

And then he was once again transported elsewhere in a flash just like that.

These abrupt transitions were frankly getting tiring for Shinji to go through, but he knew he had to get used to them.

* * *

Now, he found himself in an old, fairly dark, and small room. It was messy, wet, and smelly. Shinji instantly knew where he was. He was in Rei Ayanami's apartment.

If he didn't already guess where he was from how the place looked and smelled, then he would have immediately guessed it then when he saw Rei herself sitting on her bed, still in her school uniform, holding a cello.

But wait, it didn't seem like any old cello. No, it couldn't...it couldn't be _his _old cello, could it? What would she be doing with it anyway? Hell, why does she even have it in the first place? Perhaps that was the better question.

Rei held the cello and the bow in front of her, as if she were going to play it. But that was odd. As far as Shinji knew, Rei couldn't play the cello. Could she? If she knew, how long had she known how to play? Had she picked up the cello after he had "died?" In that case, how long had it been now since he were dead?

Tabris remained silent, as if preparing to listen to whatever Rei intended to play. The blue-haired girl began playing. Her playing could had been better; it was quite rusty, but the music was quite soothing to listen to, admittedly. It had managed to even temporarily calm Shinji, amazingly enough.

Shinji noted that as Rei played, she had closed her eyes, as if shutting off the world in order to focus on playing her music. She looked peaceful when she played it. He might even go as far as to say she looked beautiful when she played, as if the cello gave her an ambiance of inner peace. Eventually, the First Child finished playing her song, before setting the instrument down against her bed.

"The First Child seems to find solace in holding things that once belonged to you," Tabris suddenly said, as if he had read Shinji's mind, "That _is _your cello, yes?" He asked. It was an odd question to ask, considering there was no way Tabris could have known about Shinji's cello, and yet, he asked the question so casually, as if it were no big deal.

"I...I don't know," Shinji said, "It could be, but I don't think it is," he said, looking at Rei. Now that she wasn't playing the cello, he took note of her somber expression. He remembered the old days when she'd usually have a look of apathy or something of the like, and once in a blue moon, a happy expression with a small smile. But now, her eyes looked sadder than they ever did.

"Why don't you take a look?" Tabris said, pointing at the bottom of the cello, which was in view as it leaned against the bed.

With a somewhat hesitant sigh, Shinji walked over to the cello, still looking at Rei, who was sitting there like a statue. Just like Father. Except with Ayanami, he could _feel _the sadness swirling within her. Stopping in front of the instrument, Shinji got onto one knee and tilted his head in order to get a better look, before gasping softly at what he saw; his initials.

S.I.

Quickly getting back to his feet and stepping back, Shinji looked at Rei again, then at Tabris. "This is all so strange. Why does Ayanami have my cello?"

Tabris shrugged, smiling as if he didn't exactly care all that much. "That, I do not know. But does it matter? After all, perhaps it was as easy as simply asking for it. It wasn't like you wrote a will, did you?"

"No, I didn't," Shinji responded, shaking his head, "But why my cello?" He wondered out loud, holding his chin in thought.

"Perhaps it was because you may not have left behind much to be remembered by, so she took what she could get?" Tabris suggested.

"M-Maybe. I didn't think of it like that," Shinji said.

As Rei began to lay down on her bed, still in her school uniform, Shinji turned to the white-haired boy. "I...I'm ready to see what's next," he said nervously. However, he knew that the sooner this was over with, the better.

* * *

As Tabris turned Shinji around, he was greeted to another familiar sight; Misato's apartment. The once loud and hectic apartment was now eerily quiet and unnerving. It had only been a fairly short amount of time for Shinji, but it felt like he hadn't been to this place in months.

The only person in the apartment, other than Shinji and Tabris of course, was Asuka. She was quietly sitting at the dining table, holding a small bowl of miso soup in her hands. She looked terrible, to say the least. Her eyes seemed bloodshot, as if she hadn't slept for a few days. And on top of that, her eyes had a deep sadness in them not unlike Ayanami and Ms. Ibuki. Except this sadness seemed more severe than both of them combined.

Shinji stood there, staring at Asuka, her body paler than usual. If he had to guess, she also looked skinnier. Was she eating less? That would explain why all she had was just a bowl of miso soup and nothing else. Upon closer inspection however, Shinji realized that the miso soup looked disgusting; it must be quite old. Either that, or it was made with a lot of inexperience. He watched the German redhead for a few more moments until he heard a small "squawk" from around the corner. Looking to the side, he saw the familiar sight of Pen-Pen waddling over.

"Wark," it simply spoke.

Asuka looked down at the penguin, giving it an antagonistic glare, though she sighed, rolling her eyes as she looked back at her miso. "Stupid bird," she muttered, walking over to the fridge and opening it, digging through for some tuna. As she looked around, Shinji, meanwhile, couldn't help but notice something.

He saw only two cans of beer in the fridge. Which was amazing, considering last he remembered, there were only two cans the last time he checked the fridge as well. And how much time had passed since he had died now? Weeks? Months? How did all this time pass without Misato, or hell, even Pen-Pen, drinking any beer?

Finally acquiring a small can of tuna, Asuka slammed the fridge shut and walked over to the penguin, tossing the can towards Pen-Pen, expecting that it would catch the can and eat the damned food. However, what really happened was that the can hit Pen-Pen square in the forehead, bouncing off and landing on the ground. It blinked in response, but other than that, didn't seem to register that it had been hit.

Shortly after Asuka sat down in her seat, Pen-Pen waddled over to Asuka, pecking her leg with its beak. Asuka grunted in annoyance, looking down. "Damn bird. Your food's over there! Now get away from me!" She exclaimed, threatening to kick the bird away.

However, Pen-Pen made his intentions clear when he glanced at the door, gesturing towards it, before squawking and pecking her again. Asuka seemed to know what it meant, as her eyes widened in anger, pushing the penguin away with her foot. "No! Leave me alone, damn you! I don't know where Stupid Shinji is! Now shut up, eat your food, and leave me alone!" She yelled.

She was so busy yelling that she didn't notice Misato walk through the door, frowning at having walked into the sight of a girl yelling at a penguin. She sighed, hanging up her NERV hat. "You _still _have that cup of miso there, Asuka? It's been weeks now since..." She began, trying hold back a sob, "...since Shinji left. Shouldn't you just throw that thing away?"

"No!" Asuka yelled, causing Misato to jump slightly. Sighing to herself, Asuka pinched the bridge of her nose. "No, I can't do that. Goddamn that Stupid Shinji, wherever the hell he is," she said bitterly.

Misato rubbed the back of her neck, walking past Asuka and Pen-Pen, making herself a small cup of coffee. The redhead glanced at Misato, raising an eyebrow. "Coffee again, Misato? When was the last time you slept?" She asked, deciding to change the topic.

"I could say the same thing to you," the major replied, sipping her hot coffee, "But I have a load of paperwork to do, and I need to stay focused," she dismissively said. "Things have been hectic ever since Shinji...y'know," she said, her voice threatening to shake. Even after all this time, it was quite difficult for her to even say "Shinji" and "dead" in the same sentence.

"Yeah...I know," Asuka whispered, looking down again.

"Get something to eat, Asuka. You don't look too well," the exhausted major said, patting Asuka on the back, before walking off into her room in order to do her so-called paperwork. As Misato walked into her room, Shinji could have sworn he noticed something dangling from her hand. Like...headphones. And part of what appeared to be a small black box. With Rei carrying his cello, was Misato carrying his SDAT player? What did that leave Asuka with, then? That old, decaying bowl of miso soup?

Meanwhile, to be frank, Asuka didn't actually believe that Misato had "loads of paperwork" to do. For all she knew, Misato could just be spending her time in her room crying over Shinji.

...Not that she blamed her. Asuka never thought that the day would come when she would sentimentally remember Shinji. When she would come to miss him. To miss his cowardly and spineless personality, to miss his cooking, to miss his blushing and stammering when she'd tease him.

"So, Shinji-kun," Tabris said, breaking the silence, "Do you feel better now?"

It was such a sudden question. It was a question that boiled something deep in Shinji's being. Despite this Tabris person's amazing ability to show him glimpses of a possible future, he didn't seem to grasp the concept of human nature. That was one of the ways in which he was similar to Rei.

"No, I don't. All you've shown me...just these visions of people I know suffering. I still haven't changed my mind. I still don't feel like I'm worth something! I only feel like I'm more of a burden to people! Even in death, I seem to just be trouble!" Shinji exclaimed, causing Tabris to frown, once again disappointed.

"Then it seems you've learned nothing, Shinji-kun," he sighed, before roughly shoving Shinji into the ground.

Shinji didn't even have time to blink. As soon as he hit the ground, he blinked from the impact, and as soon as he blinked, he was once again finding himself in an entirely new place.

Except this new place was different.

* * *

It wasn't like any of the other places. Hell, when Shinji was shoved, he didn't fall onto a floor, despite how much it felt like a floor. No, it was water.

And yet, he wasn't drowning. It was like he was floating just above the water. Or perhaps a very wet but still hard surface. Still, it didn't really hurt when his head hit the ground, or rather, water. But he couldn't move his body to get up. The only part of his body he _could _move was his head, and as he turned to the side, he could see Tabris simply standing there, hands in pockets, facing the full moon.

"You don't understand, do you, Shinji-kun? You know, you can be quite difficult to handle, sometimes," Tabris said, chuckling lightly, "But that's okay. You're just not used to being liked, are you? You're just not used to being accepted. But acceptance has come to you, but perhaps in one of the strangest forms imaginable. A form that people like you may not be able to understand or even see."

"What...what are you talking about?" Shinji questioned, still trying to move, though it was no use. It was like there was some sort of weight holding him down, or perhaps some sort of field weighing him down. But why couldn't he move, dammit?

Tabris turned around, his red eyes seeming to glow with the moonlight. "You're afraid of being hurt, aren't you? You're afraid of being hurt by other people, and hurting people in return, regardless of whether it was intentional or not."

"But...isn't it...natural to fear pain?" Shinji asked. It was getting harder to talk, as if something was in his throat. What was Tabris doing to him? He could already feel his mind starting to go in some ways. It was hard to explain, but he could feel his vision fading as well, and the blurrier his vision became, the harder it was for him to think, to think about Tabris.

"Of course, though once in a while, you must discard your fear and reach out to take what you want. Pain is part of the experience of life, Shinji-kun. You cannot avoid it, no matter how much you try to avoid it. But that is something you must learn by yourself."

"T-Tabris..." Shinji breathed, "Wh-what...what are you...?" He tried to say, though he was promptly interrupted.

"I'm sure that by now, the old men are wondering where I am. I'm afraid my time with you is up, Shinji-kun. I must leave, and your memories of this experience are coming with me. You're not going to remember anything, but don't worry, it won't hurt a bit," the red-eyed boy assured him.

Shinji couldn't even feel his face, though from Tabris's expression, he probably was making a face of sadness, of dejection.

"Don't make that face," Tabris said, still smiling ever so sweetly, "We'll meet again, Shinji-kun."

And with a flash, everything had ended.

* * *

He had been washed ashore, but he was not wet at all. Not his shirt, not his pants, not his shoes, not his hair. Not a single inch of his body was wet, though he could have felt the water surrounding him, consuming his body, enveloping his entire being.

And not a single drop of water. It was strange, to say the least, but Shinji didn't even notice. As he lay on his stomach, he eventually helped himself up, sand falling from his face. Where was he? How did he even get here?

Looking around, Shinji remembered. He had run away again. And he had ended up nearby a lake. But after that, everything was blank for him, oddly enough. Putting two and two together, Shinji had to wonder; did he really just attempt suicide? That would possibly his explain his temporary memory loss. However, the thought had never crossed his mind as he was running away, so why did he do it?

More importantly, why did he even run away? He had left Asuka all alone. All because his pride, whatever pride he had anyway, was hurt? Things were too important for that to matter. After all, he was the pilot of an Evangelion. It was his duty to put the needs of others first, to put the lives of others first. Against his better judgment, whatever that was, Shinji quickly got up and ran back home as fast as his body would let him.

Asuka had waited for about two hours for Shinji to come back. N-Not that she _wanted _him to come back or anything. But knowing him, he should be coming back right about now.

...Or now.

She didn't want to admit it. Oh, god. She didn't want to admit it, but in the deepest depths of her soul, Asuka Langley Sohryu was scared. She was worried that Shinji may not actually come back. Not this time. After all, there was no denying the harsh things she had said to him. And all for what? Why did she even say those things?

Asuka sighed in frustration, laying down. She didn't even remember. It wasn't often that Asuka had deeply regretted doing something. It was even less often that she'd admit it to herself.

_Bump._

_Slide._

_Tap, tap, tap._

Asuka blinked. What was that? Was that who she thought it was?

* * *

Shinji had eventually made it back home to find but a strange bowl of miso soup just sitting there on the dining table. However, he couldn't deny that he was a bit hungry. Not even stopping to think why it was there, the troubled young boy sat down and took the bowl, drinking the miso. Hearing a door slide open, Shinji glanced over, seeing the fiery redheaded girl just standing there, staring at him.

It was quite uncomfortable. The two teenagers were just there, speechless. The silence was eery, and yet, neither of them had the willpower to break it. But they wanted to say something. Both of the pilots wanted to say anything.

To apologize to her.

To welcome him back home.

To stand up for himself for once in his miserable life.

To yell at him and insult him like she usually did.

It was supposed to be easy. It was all supposed to be as simple as saying "sorry," or not even that. All it took was a "hey" to break the silence, but neither of the young children could even bring themselves to say even that. Neither of them was strong enough for the lives they had to go through. And perhaps that was their greatest downfall. Something that wasn't even their fault. Something that they had no control over.

But because they were who they were, Asuka could do nothing but hold back tears for whatever reason and slam the door shut right as Shinji had gained the courage to reach out.

Shinji had taken too long to reach out, though. If only he knew the consequences of not reaching out, he wouldn't have just sat there helplessly, experiencing the familiar feeling of not knowing what to do.

As Asuka closed herself off, so did Shinji.

He simply sat there on that lonely night, feeling a small emotion in the back of his soul. It was courage.

But the courage was quickly overwhelmed by the sea of doubt, self-loathing, and fear. If only someone were there to reach out to him, maybe then he'd find the strength to reach out to others. If only. But no one would do it.

Not Father, for all his apathy.

Not Asuka, for all the fire that dwelt within her.

And not even Misato, for all her limitations when it came to dealing with men.

Once again, Shinji Ikari found himself alone, ignored, and closed off.

* * *

**A/N: I hope you enjoyed this fic. Please do review this so it'll be easier for me to convince myself to keep on writing! Anyway, yeah. I apologize if it all seems a bit OOC with Shinji, Asuka, or Tabris, or rather Kaworu if you didn't get the hint. I also apologize if the execution was less than spectacular. After all, it's been quite some time. It was just an idea I wanted to put together and see the results of. Besides, my writing "skills" have probably gotten a bit rusty in comparison to before since I've been really lazy and haven't been writing anything **_**at all**_**.**

**If you care enough to know more about this little fic, then I'll give you some fun little tidbits. The original working title of this was "Miso Soup," but I pushed that aside in favor of the title you see now; "Is it Really A Wonderful Life?" It's something of a play on the popular "It's A Wonderful Life" movie, though believe it or not, I actually got the idea of this from an episode of That '70s Show, also titled "It's A Wonderful Life," though that's a different thing.**

**I was originally going to include a scene with Toji, Kensuke, and Hikari, but I decided against it, thinking it'd be a bit redundant. And on top of that, I don't even know where I'd set this story in the Evangelion series, like maybe sometime after Episode 16? I don't know. I just know that if I'd want it to be set anytime after the Bardiel and Zeruel, I'd know that because the classmates are never mentioned, I'd be safe.**

**...I never mentioned the classmates in the actual story, right? 'Cause, y'know, I don't want to check the entire story for them.**

**I also had an alternate ending in mind. In this alternate ending, when Shinji comes back home, Asuka opens the door before Shinji has a chance to open the door for himself. Asuka's about to chew him out for running away, but Shinji, overwhelmed by the emotions he had just experienced while he was with Tabris, even if he didn't remember what happened, hugs Asuka spontaneously. I took that ending out because I didn't want to shove the Shinji/Asuka pairing into the reader's face for once, making this the first Evangelion fanfiction I've written that doesn't blatantly ship Shinji and Asuka. At least...I think this is.**

**Anyway, again, I hoped you enjoy this. Please feel free to review this and tell me what you thought!**


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